Half and half

Trying to figure out how to be a full-time writer while being a full-time something else. (While not earning full-time pay at either.) My books are in a perpetual holding pattern and characters are saying "Hel -- LLOO!" and tapping their feet at me. Taking the next quarter off to write regardless of the artist residencies; it's temporary solution. Part of it's probably that I'm trying to figure out a new career, the rhythm, the downtime. I'm getting better at writing a page here and a page there but sometimes days and now weeks go by and not a word.

Muse

She doesn't like to be chased or cornered; she's feline in that way. But sometimes when it's quiet and dark she'll visit, bringing gifts. She was particularly generous the other night, giving me a storyline-intact dream, translatable to paper. And then in the foggy not-awake, the kind of dialogue only characters can create themselves. In my organizing process I find other dream stories scratched quickly on scraps of paper, sketches of a moving target. Sometimes she eludes us when we seek her, but our job is to clear the space and let her arrive.

Caught on film

Been on a weird organizing kick, so unlike me. Part of it's been pulling photos out of boxes and making albums, an activity I enjoyed once but gave up and now have reclaimed with an odd fervor. A relative suggested I'm categorizing my life. Maybe I'm trying to make sense of the journey. One thing occurred to me clearly while picking through the images: I spent way too much time being unhappy. It's easier to see now with a little distance but I see it in my face and I looked older when I was younger. Spent too much time trying to get there instead of just being there. Common trap. I still get caught sometimes but less often. I see it in my face.

Motion

New year passed without much hoopla, partially because my goals remain the same. Or the same, only more. Continuation, pursuit, artistry. Make a connection, try something new, do something better.

A friend's Christmas card told of an artist residency; now I'm applying for my own. Which is why artists need to hang out -- we motivate and inspire simply by example. Keeping the creative energy in motion. Motion leads to momentum.

Heard back from owl-delivery agent, who suggested revisions. So it's not a no. In the mean time another wants to see the book. So that's good too.

Forward.