Thursday, March 18, 2010

Charlene and the Chocolate Factory

Here's a 3WW entry, a little belated. The words are pulse, shard and weary.


Another time or place she would’ve made other choices but she found herself chasing one weary day with another, stacking time and building hours while other people lived better lives.
The shakers continuously pulsed, ridding the chocolate pieces of excess covering. Perfect pieces for perfect people in perfect houses. Sweetness all around her but all for someone else.
She turned and felt her elbow bump something that shouldn’t have been there. The bottle hit the cement, broke into a couple of large pieces and a few chips, some of them sharp.
The chocolate skittered by on the shaker. Pieces of glass on the floor, dangerous.
She bent, touched the imperfect pieces.
One sliver, tiny but strong. A little pressure would break skin.
Just one shard, pressed hidden in a perfect piece. It traveled down the line on its way to a pretty box, to a lovely store, to some perfect someone.
Licked her fingers. Hummed.

8 comments:

ThomG said...

This is so deliciously wicked, I don’t know where to start. Great pacing, great storytelling. And the twist at the end. Perfect.

Dorothy said...

Intriguing, since I'm a fan of chocolate and purple houses. I like how the story moved.

Amity said...

Surely it would hurt that perfect someone who'd eat that piece where the shard had lodged, and maybe would change his/her forever after ingesting that minute shard!

You know what I mean!

My 2nd week at 3WW...please drop by:

http://intelclub.blogspot.com/2010/03/even-for-just-moment.html

Andy Sewina said...

Naughty but nice and chocolatey!

Stan Ski said...

I'll have to 'confiscate' the kids' chocolate now...

Jay Thurston said...

I liked your description of the man character's emotions in this. Very creatively told.

Tumblewords: said...

A wild twist - a fun read!

Dee Martin said...

One wonders how often that or something similar happens. This was so well told - loved the twist and wondered about Charlene. Will we see more of her?